Hey ladies, I know you’re from LA. Wait… you’re not?

Maybe you’re just one of the many girls who’ve watched a lifetime of the Hills and you have a warped idea of how young women are supposed to act. Well, either way, I was wondering if you’d take a second to read this:

1. Finish a sentence. I know it’s hard, but if you start one, you have to finish it. 
2. Your mouth is precious. Don’t let it hang open. Something may fall in it.
3. Leggings are great. Everyday? Lazy.
4. Coffee is amazing. Everyone can agree on this. But if you drink too much you will be cranky. Limit it to a couple of gallons a day.
5. I can’t harp on this enough - don’t elongate your sentences. Don’t stretch out your syllables. Don’t end every word in a whine. You sound very silly.
6. Slutty is not sexy. Smart, funny, interesting? Very sexy. 
7. Faux-nice? The opposite of nice.
8. Sunglasses inside? Nope. Sunglasses that need windshield wipers? Nope.
9. Eat something.
10. The gym is awesome, but at the end of your long life you wont want to look back and only see yourself in yoga pants, staring dead-eyed into the electric glow of a treadmill. A life spent at the Crunch is not a life.
11. Be nice to others, especially other women. You guys have it hard enough without trashing each other. Mean Girls is a movie, not a goal.
12. Be nice to yourself. Cut yourself a break. You don’t need to have, or do it all. Love will come and go. Career. Babies. Whatever it is you want, chances are you’ll get it, especially if you relax. Let the game come to you.

And of course, most importantly, don’t read stupid lists that look like they should appear in Cosmo or Glamour of any other magazine. They’re all the same and don’t solve anything. Listen to yourself, build your self-esteem and wield it like a mighty flaming sword TO CUT DOWN YOUR FEARS AND ENEMIES ALIKE.

When all else fails watch Love Actually and eat ice cream. It’s what I do. Guy or girl, it always works.